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I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?