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How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/