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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.