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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.