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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!