Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.