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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.