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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|