Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.
Bad decisions make good stories.