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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Hard work never killed anyone but why risk it?
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?