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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs