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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem