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During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.