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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.