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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.