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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Beer is good, but beers are better.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.