Daily Silly Status

I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.

I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo

Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child

It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.

there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..

Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.

Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?

If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.

I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.

I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.

Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.

There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"

I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...

For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"