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Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…