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There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because Iām terrified of the electricity bill.