Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Some of my best memories are naps.
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.