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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!