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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.