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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)