Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?