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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.