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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.