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I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.