Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.