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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!