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If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.