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Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.