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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."