Daily Silly Status

If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable

Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.

Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.

If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.

I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.

The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.

Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.

I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.

I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!

I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage

I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."

A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.

I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.

I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.