Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
Never, ever ask a woman if she`s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
This day needs more tomfoolery!
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?