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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.