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I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
Ways to die: Steal my food.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....