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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.