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The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
High fiving was the original "like".
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.