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I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
The secret to success is in my bra.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.