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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"