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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!