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Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC