Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day Iām just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."