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Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...