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I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
life is short play naked
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
I`m perfect you adjust.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.