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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.