Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.