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I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.