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When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.