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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.