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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Youth is wasted on the young.