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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.