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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
Safe words are for quitters.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.