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"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.