Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.