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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.