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One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.