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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
I have nothing!