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I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?