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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.