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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?