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This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.