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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol