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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
?-- that guy is cute ?
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
The first sign of laziness:
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.