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I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?