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I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.