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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.