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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
Personally, I think failure should be an option