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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.