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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.