Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Iām not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.