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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
French people give me the crepes.
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.