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7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.