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Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
u cant spell awesome without me
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...