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There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Marriage tip: Don`t
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.