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Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
The police never think its as funny as you do.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…