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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t