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I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
I was born at a very early age.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.