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It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
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