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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.