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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?