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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
justin bieber
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.