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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"