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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
I laugh in the face of normal.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly