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Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.