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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
Marriage tip: Don`t
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.