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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
why me is me ?
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.