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Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.