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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
My life is based on a true story
This day needs more yesterday.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.