Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
Don`t waste my timeline.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.