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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?